I am an introvert and it has taken me years to work this out.
I know I’m an introvert because of what happens when I spend too much time socialising and when I don’t have enough time alone away from everyone. I get grumpy, irritable, my communication is poor, my tolerance for any sort of stimulation is very low so I can’t cope with heat, cold, loud noises, bright lights. I run out of patience very quickly with my children and my husband and I’m just a ball of nervous energy on the verge of tears. I feel like a shadow of myself and it isn’t sustainable.
This doesn’t however mean that in order to be happy, I need to be recluse. I just need my baseline energy level be quite calm. I need to have time every day to process my thoughts, alone. I need a chunk of time each week to reset my emotional thermostat. If those needs are met then I feel healthy, resilient and energised. Basically, able and ready to face the world.
Introversion, seems to me, to be on a spectrum. But I believe that most people in their teens and twenties won’t recognise their own introverted tendencies. I think this is due to the fact that we are all trying out so many new experiences at this time in our lives; moving to new cities, traveling, making new friends, navigating the workplace and trying to keep up with everyone around us. It isn’t usually until your life has settled down a bit and you begin to make more conscious choices about how you spend your time and energy that you may begin to recognise these attributes in yourself.
Is it really that important to know whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert?
The label in itself isn’t important, but if you relate to the qualities of an introvert you can use this to reflect on your past experiences, your current preferences and most importantly how you can look after yourself moving forward.
In relation to self-care, being an introvert is about balancing alone time with social time. It is a basic human need to connect and socialise. Introverts should also treat alone time as one of their basic human needs. This balance will look different for everyone depending on your circumstances. For me currently, it means I get up before my children so I start the day with a coffee and meditation – that’s 30 minutes alone time already in the bank. I’m really precious about my breaks at work; I make every minute count and sometimes I will be chatty in the staffroom and sometimes I will sit somewhere away from the crowd and not chat to anyone at all. If I’ve had a hectic day at work, I let the children watch 20 minutes of TV with a snack when they get home from school whilst I slip off upstairs to squeeze in a power nap – or at least some time lying on my bed with the curtains drawn and my earplugs in. My husband and I have some nights together in the week and some nights apart doing our own thing. But what has the biggest impact on my week is that one morning every weekend, my husband looks after the children and I have time completely my myself. Usually I go into town early, have a coffee and pastry and read for an hour or so. I go for walk or mooch around the library and shops, I listen to podcasts and audiobooks. Then I have a huge healthy salad, delicious and nutritious, in my favourite super chilled café – and read some more. I walk home and by the time I get there, my children could be tearing the place down and I would be able to deal with it like the calm, compassionate, loving mother I aspire to be. I am in a great place at this point. I am ready to deal with anything the world throws at me and the week ahead feels like it’s going to be a good one.
So, if you are an introvert (or you could be an extrovert who needs to balance out all that energising social time with a bit of down time) what can you do to keep the balance?
- Find time for quiet – before work, during your breaks or after work.
- Remove yourself from situations where you feel overwhelmed – make polite excuses if needed.
- Be aware of other people’s energy. If you find someone in your work or personal life draining to be around then don’t spend as much time around them, particularly when you are already running low on energy.
- Take your breaks and make the most of out of them – think to yourself what do I need right now? A hot drink, some fresh air, food, a chat, peace and quiet – then give that to yourself.
- Spend time on solo activities that you find enjoyable and energising. This is obviously very personal but this could be crafting, drawing, playing an instrument, reading, writing, meditating, exercising or having an long, hot shower.
- Don’t underestimate the power of the power nap. When it’s all getting a bit much or even if you just happen to find yourself with a bit of time on your hands, a 20-25 minute power nap can be incredibly restorative. Just allowing yourself to rest for a bit can help you process all of the mental stimulation of the day so far and bring you back to a place of calm.
- Plan your social calendar carefully, consider busy work periods, changing seasons and the effects of your hormones on your menstrual cycle (if indeed you have one). Monitor your energy levels carefully and don’t over book yourself when your know your energy is already likely to be depleted.
- Find quiet places. Ultimately my quiet haven is my bedroom but I actively seek out other quiet places to spend time in. My favourites are the library, small cafes and in nature – particularly near water. If you sit and observe for a while you’ll notice the other introverts around you, not making eye contact, as they enjoy their alone time nearby.
Final message: Listen to yourself and it’s all about balance.
If you have recently discovered your own introverted tendencies or always suspected that they played a big part in your life. Then I hope some of my experiences and tips can help you find balance and peace in a loud and overwhelming world. Try out different things and find what works best for you. Give yourself time to identify how you’re feeling, consider what it is you need and give yourself the gift of alone time.
What about the extroverts out there? Well as a true introvert, I honestly cannot imagine ever feeling energised from socialising. But I have seen these beautiful social butterflies’ as they work their magic in a crowded room, their smiles getting bigger as more heads turn towards them as they tell stories, make jokes and welcome everyone around them to join in. These people also need alone time as we all do and maybe, if you are an extrovert, some of these ideas might be appealing to you. I would love to hear from other introverts about other ways they re-energise or if you try any of my tips, please feedback on your experiences. If you are an extrovert that would like to get in touch I would be really fascinated to hear how you relate to my experiences on this post, does any of this resonate or does my life sound completely and utterly dull to you? Perhaps don’t answer that.
